my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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