they said they heard you say put it in my butt
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
