I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
