All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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