they need to just BURY HIM!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
