Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
