i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
