we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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