Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
