I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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