I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
