You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
