i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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