Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
