I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
