I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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