problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
