Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
