i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
