I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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