Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
