He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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