Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
