Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
