I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
