if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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