is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
