cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
