I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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