apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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