It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
