evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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