Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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