ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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