I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
