WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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