Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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