It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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