wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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