Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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