Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Welp...herpes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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