I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
false alarm, still single
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
