the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
