i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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