You just made me feel so damn special
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
