You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
