just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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