I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
