apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
