explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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