I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
