I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize