Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
