Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
