Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
