how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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