sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
