I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
