he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
