WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I deserve this hangover.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
