You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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