my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
