You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
