you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
