Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
