so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
