I hate all girls vehemently.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
