Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
