Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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