i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
