Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
