I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
