Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
