so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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