i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
