haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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