Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
