The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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