paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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