we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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