R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
that may or may not have been my penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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